Black Chikas
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Secret Languages

Women's Language:

  • Yes = No
  • No = Yes
  • Maybe = No
  • I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
  • We need = I want
  • It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
  • Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
  • We need to talk = I need to complain
  • Sure go ahead = I don't want you to
  • I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
  • You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
  • You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
  • Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
  • This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
  • I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
  • Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
  • I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
  • Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
  • How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
  • I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
  • You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
  • Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead
  • Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
  • I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
  • The same old thing = Nothing
  • Nothing = Everything
  • Everything = My PMS is acting up
  • Nothing, really = It's just that you're such a freakin...

    Men's Language:

  • I'm hungry = I'm hungry
  • I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
  • I'm tired = I'm tired
  • Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
  • Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
  • Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
  • May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
  • Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
  • You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to feel up on you
  • What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this
  • What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
  • What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
  • I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
  • I love you = Let's have sex now
  • I love you, too = Okay, I said it, we'd better have sex now!
  • Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
  • Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
  • Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
  • Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
  • (while shopping) I like that one better = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
  • I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together = I am gay.
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